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On Monday, February 25th I read Day 11 of the the 40 day journey outlined in the book Deeply Loved by Keri Wyatt Kent (see end of this post for an excerpt). I had promised to post my review of that chapter along with my observations. My apologies to the author for not getting to it until now, but it has taken me this long to figure out how to write about it. Participating in a devotional study and then writing about it, even just one day of it, is much more personal than my average book review. In fact, this will be my most personal post to date.
I keep a journal. In fact, I keep several. I have done so, off and on, since I was 12. If anyone were to attempt to compile all of my journals into some kind of memoir or biography (as if!), it would be nearly impossible. I am a manic-depressive or as it more commonly known, a bi-polar person. My journals reflect this fact quite well. I write from back to front, then front to back, then upside down. Then I staple things in blank spaces or write random thoughts there because I hate blank spaces. Ironically, I’m also very organized, so I keep different journals for different things: the manic/depressed/scrapbook journal, the devotional journal, the notes from Sunday sermons journal, the reader/blogger journal, etc. For this chapter study/review, I made notes in my devotional journal. I tell you this because if I hadn’t made these notes, I never would be able to write this post. I have been in a state of mania all week. On the Monday afternoon that I was originally supposed to write this, my doctor wrote a note to my boss excusing me from work for an undetermined amount of time because I was one manic/depressive episode away from hospitalization.
The mania has finally let up a bit, enough to allow me to write. I chose Day 11 about meditating on the promises of God because it is this practice that has sustained me throughout my adult life. The author focused primarily on the first part of John 14 which contains promises from Jesus that show us His heart and love for us. I have doubted many things in my life. I have been hurt, betrayed, abused, and deeply, deeply depressed. In the process, I have learned that people will let you down. Life will let you down. JESUS HAS NEVER LET ME DOWN. Every promise he makes in the Bible he has kept. I chose three promises from Kent’s book to inscribe on my heart this week:
1) Jesus promises the divine power to do good works (v. 12 NIV) This promise tells me that even though I have a chronic and sometimes debilitating illness, I am worthy and I am strong enough to serve God because He gives me that strength and He uses my weakness to His glory.
2) Jesus promises that He won’t abandon us (v. 18 NIV) I needed to reflect on this a great deal in a week of such uncertainty. I cannot go back to work for awhile. I have no more sick leave or vacation time left. My husband just finished school and is trying to start a business. I bring in half of the family income. It makes for a very scary time, but I know without a doubt that Jesus will not abandon me or my family during this difficult time.
3) Jesus promises us supernatural peace (v. 27 NIV) Of all the promises that Kent points to in this chapter, I have meditated on this one the most. Not only this week, but for many years. A bi-polar rarely knows peace physically or mentally. But, Jesus gives me supernatural peace, a peace in my heart and in my spirit. I surround myself with reminders. As something of a hippie, I collect peace signs but they serve a double purpose for me. I also collect items with the word PEACE and, finally, I collect crosses. In one way or another, these all remind me of Jesus’ promise. I pray often for that peace, and Jesus never fails to grant it.
In summary, I relished this chapter from Kent’s book, and I couldn’t have read it at a more relevant time in my life. I highly recommend that everyone take the time to meditate on God’s promises. Those promises will comfort you, strengthen you, and encourage you. They will also help you to experience the heart of Jesus.
*In compliance with FTC guidelines, please note that I received this book for free from the author in return for posting an excerpt and reading/reviewing a chapter. Many thanks to the author for encouraging me to participate in this journey.
Book Excerpt and Post from February 15, 2013
Paul R. Hewlett says
What a powerful post. As I get ready to head off to church your words and the author’s move me deeply. I understand your struggles, I have been touched with bi-polar involving several people close to me. You are a strong, wonderful person and I know that God’s promises will sustain you as well as me. I am praying for you! Thanks for such a personal, powerful, important post. Have a great day.
Paul R. Hewlett
Allie says
Thank you, Paul. I appreciate your kind and warm words. It was a difficult post to write because it was so personal. But, I felt led to write/post it anyway. If anyone can relate, if anyone finds encouragement or strength, if anyone is helped in some way…it is worth it. Those close to you with bi-polar disorder no doubt benefit greatly from your friendship and understanding…and prayers. I’m honored to be counted among those for whom you pray. The power of prayer is too often underestimated. Blessings, Allie
Keri Wyatt Kent says
Allie, I am blown away by this post. I’m grateful for your honest writing and your example of faith. I posted something on my blog linking to this, but just wanted to say thank you. Thanks for reading Deeply Loved, sharing it with your readers, and being so honest about your life and the way God has met you in its storms.
When I wrote Deeply Loved, I was in a tough season–unemployed husband, kid soon starting college, all kinds of challenges. But God was faithful through them. As you walk through the rough waters of your current season, I’m praying God will continue to be the strong presence he’s been all along. Your faith inspires me.
Donna Chapman says
I was led here by Keri’s blog AND by the fact am also a Loopy Librarian! I think I am somewhere on the spectrum of Manic-Depression……not full blown but when I get overstimulated (usually by being around people too much for too long)……I get a bit of the high and a bit of the can’t come down.
At any rate, You really were so honest and such a testimony to God in your blog post; kudos girlfriend. I subscribed to your way cool blog and will be reminding God of your situation and His faithfulness!
God bless you, Allie….keep on keeping on!
Allie says
Thanks for commenting and subscribing, Donna! I appreciate your support and prayers. It’s also nice to “meet” another “loopy” librarian, especially one who is a Christian. It’s also pretty groovy that you like my “way cool blog.” Does that now make me the Loopy Hippie Librarian, LOL? I could totally live with that!
Dana says
As usual, Allison your heart has bypassed your mental health issues. Your history of survival and your relationship with Jesus is remarkable for those who know your heart and your battles. I am very proud of your courage and spiritual growth over the years. This blog is proof of your courage, honesty,and your desire to help others. Never stop moving forward. You are such an encouragement to me.
By the way. This is the only blog I have written as you know me, and you are the only one I would write one.
Love ya,
Dana
Allie says
Thank you, Dana. I praise God for leading me to you and your ministry. I never would’ve made it this far otherwise. I’m glad that I can be an encouragement to you because you have always been an encouragement to me. Love, Allie