The situation: Patron comes in, hands us library card, wants to use computer.

Library: This card has overdue items and excessive fines and is blocked.  You will need to clear the account.

Patron: I don’t know what you’re talking about! I NEVER checked out those books!

Library: Oh. Well. We always require a library card so you will need to check with the police about a stolen ID, or, clear the account.

Patron: Wait! That isn’t my card! That’s my BROTHER’S card! We must have accidentally exchanged cards.

Library: Do you have your own card?

Patron: At home. I’ll just use his and he can come in and clear the account later.

Library: No. Your own card will be required.

Patron: Oh, here it is!

Library: Given the circumstances we will need to see identification.

Patron: WHAT?? I left it in the car.

Library: We will wait.

Patron leaves and doesn’t come back – leaving wallet behind. Wallet which has 3 different library cards with 3 different names, 2 different driver’s licenses with different names, 2 social security cards, and 3 credit cards. We turned it over to the police.

MORAL: If you are going to steal someone’s library card, find someone without overdue books!

*Used with the permission of the Director from a neighboring library system who shared it on the Director’s ListServe (and no she did not make this up).